A Series Of Crack Events
by PatientNumber10
Summary: It's as the title says... It's a series of crack events... Obviously, it's a crack fic, with a stolen but "censored" title.


**Disclaimer:** 'Tis not mine.

**A Series Of Crack Events**

Ty Lee couldn't help but notice Azula's vain attempt to hide the interest in her golden eyes as she watched the driver do his job. It was obvious enough for Ty Lee. She knew how well versed Azula was to lying, but when her interest is peaked there's an uncooperative curve on her lips and a little more focus in her eyes.

Actually, it was obvious to everyone, seeing as how Azula hovered behind the driver, who was perhaps struggling to stay calm and trying not to make any mistake. This behavior gave it away because, as everyone on the crew observed, Azula usually spreads herself on the most ornate chair in the room and then just lazes about, inspecting her nails.

"What," came Azula's sharp voice. "in _Agni's_ name are you doing?"

"You mean me, Princess?" the driver asked, uncertainly.

"Yes, _you_. Who else would I be talking to? Mai? Ty Lee? I'm not looking at them, aren't I?"

Ty Lee slapped her forehead. That was lame, 'Zula!

The driver glanced at his co-driver, confused. The other man shrugged subtly as if to say "It's your problem, man."

The driver gave up on receiving help and focused his attention to Azula. "I was checking the engine's temperature and reducing the tank's speed to avoid overheating, Your Highness."

Azula sniffed, apparently and unnaturally contended with the simple answer. She muttered something about the uselessness of the fire benders in the engine chamber ("Can't they _steambend_, those morons!") and how it's their fault they kept losing track of the Avatar. Then she muttered something about replacing the incompetent fools and punishing them for their lack of skill.

There was an audible gulping from the drivers' seat.

― ― ― ― ―

Some hours later the tank stopped in a field dotted with flowers. It was on the request of Her Highness Princess Azula that everyone should go out, stretch their legs, and relax for a bit because later they were going to have an evaluation and anyone who can't beat her in an Agni Kai will be tied to a tree and left behind to be eaten by wild animals. Everyone spread out and started to pick their trees.

"Did I hear that right? Stretch our legs and relax?" Mai asked, irritated by the order.

"Mm... Yeah, that sounded just about right," said Ty Lee. She giggled. "Azula's being nice and letting us slack off; can you _believe_ that?"

"No," came a flat and sure reply.

"You're right," agreed Ty Lee, almost instantly. "Something's up. Azula's been fidgety all day."

"Ugh, tell me about it. She'd been bothering the driver ever since she got up this morning. I'd be pitying the man right now if I wasn't apathetic."

"I bet this is one of those days..."

"What?"

"You know!"

"No!"

"No?"

"Yes."

Ty Lee slumped on a rock, scratching her head.

"What—did your brain just die?" Mai asked.

"Nah, just a temporary damage," said Ty Lee. "Anyway, we're getting off the subject. Okay, back to Azula. I just thought that today's one of those days that Azula gets hyper."

"Azula doesn't get hyper. Only _you _do that."

"She does to! Remember the time when she started copying me and began doing flips? Or that time when she shot that apple off your head and got Zuko to pounce on you, which was by the way really, really funny? Or that time when we saw her sprinting inside the palace laughing, playing tag with her really annoyed looking mom, who, now that I think about it, looked like a clown then? And how about the time when she started laughing and shooting lightning in different directions?"

"I think you're confused," said Mai.

"Oh, come on, Mai, even you get hyper."

Mai sputtered, her face flushing. "I do _not_!"

"Oh, yes you do, especially when you're with Zuko! There was this time when I was walking in the palace and hid behind the tapestries because I heard voices, 'cause, you know, I wasn't supposed to be there, restricted area and all that, and I was afraid of being caught. But then, I heard your voice and you were _giggling_ and Zuko was giggling, too."

Mai was silent. Ty Lee's story was awfully familiar.

"But that was just the beginning," Ty Lee continued, dramatically. "When Zuko whispered something to you―although I didn't heard what he said―you were all 'Oh, _Zuko_, you!' You were even more hyper when the both of went in Zuko's room―yeah, I followed you. You two made _reaaally_ strange noises. You were all like 'Oh, Zuko, mo―"

Mai had crammed Ty Lee's mouth with her braided hair and began sending deaths glares at the eavesdropping soldiers.

Ty Lee sputtered. "Wha'd you do that for!"

"I think I heard Azula calling us," Mai said through gritted teeth as she marched toward the tank.

Fortunately for Mai, Ty Lee instantly returned to the Azula-is-hyper-today idea and ran ahead of her to the cockpit. Ty Lee slowed down as she neared their destination, silently pushed the cockpit entrance open and BAM! she suddenly pushed it deliberately hard. Mai silently prayed for Ty Lee's soul.

"Hey, 'Zula!" called Ty Lee.

Mai reached the scene and was shocked to see that Ty Lee was still alive and Azula was backed against the wheel, a hand clutching at her heart.

Of course, the Princess recovered quickly, though not fully, but enough to glare daggers at the pink-garbed thing cheerfully bounding inside as if innocent of any crimes. Ty Lee almost gave her a _heart attack_! If she wasn't "necessary", Azula wouldn't even wait for Ty Lee to be tried and just kill her right then and there.

"What are you doing here! Didn't I tell you to enjoy the sun's warm rays because that's the last time you'll enjoy it before I _fire_ you!" Azula demanded.

"You did," Mai confirmed. Her eyes suddenly widened. "Wait, Azula, did you just tell a _joke_?"

Azula ran a hand through her hair, smirking. Or maybe _on_ her hair, not _through_ it. "Oh, you noticed? Did you get it? _Fire_ you―Funny, huh? H-hey, don't change the subject! What are you doing here!"

"You!" Ty Lee said. "You can't hide it from us!"

Azula's countenance took on a superior, intelligent expression that clearly relayed I don't know what you're talking about. And even if I did, it's none of you business.

"Aha! The Mask of Coyness! Don't think―"

"Actually, it's the Mask of Get Lost Or I'll Fry You."

"Heh, heh. You think you call fool me!"

"Of course."

"Eh, you meanie!"

"Always am."

"Although it's not seen on my face that I'm about to snap, I really am about to snap. And if you two keep on yelling nonsense at each other I'm not afraid to become a fugitive for _murdering_ a noble and a princess," Mai said in one breath.

"Why do you have to be such a kill joy, Mai?"

"Pfft. Don't mind her, Ty Lee, she just doesn't know how to control her temper."

Mai counted to one thousand, clutching a seat's headrest as her teammates chattered on.

"But what areyou doing here, Azula?" Ty Lee asked, bounding to Azula's side.

"Er―I was trying to test drive the tank."

Ty Lee became excited. "Oh, you have a tank license?"

"Er―Well, no―"

"But you're going to drive a tank anyway!"

"Yeah," Azula pouted. "So what?"

"That's illegal."

"I don't need a license. I'm the Crown Princess. I can do whatever I like."

Ty Lee gave Azula a lame look.

"Whatever, woman."

Azula nodded. Ty Lee stared expectantly. Mai counted one-hundred twenty, one-hundred twenty-one... Azula smiled. Ty Lee still stared. One-hundred thirty-three, one hundred thirty-four―

"Well?" asked Ty Lee.

"Well what?" said Azula.

"What happened to the test drive?"

Azula stared at Ty Lee blankly.

"Ty Lee dear, test drives don't always involve moving the vehicle. There are test drives that require―"

Ty Lee gasped. "Don't tell me—You don't know how to drive!"

"What—I didn't say anythi―"

"Pfft. It's no use lying about it, Azula. I shall not be persuaded to believe otherwise," Ty Lee declared.

"Oh, alright! Believe what you will but don't you dare mock me when you're on the same level as I am!"

Ty Lee made a snorting noise that may have been a laugh as she said, "On the same level!" Snort. "I'm sorry, Azula, but driving is one thing I've mastered long ago."

"You know how to drive?" Azula asked, incredulously.

"Yep. I learned at the Academy," answered Ty Lee. "Didn't we, Mai?"

Mai held up a finger to her, still counting.

"And Mai knows how, too?"

"Yeah. She's a real daredevil when she's behind the wheels!"

"B-but how come I didn't receive lessons!"

"Let me refresh your memory. Ahem. 'I'm the _Princess_, I can skip class whenever I want!' Remember now?"

Azula didn't answer. She glared at something beyond Ty Lee, beyond Mai.

"Keh, who needs driving anyway!"

**A/N: **Who needs driving anyway? Apparently, Azula does. Here's a sequel:_Azula stared at the wheels. What was she going to do? No one had beaten her at the evaluation and now all her crew members were tied to trees with ratvultures hovering over their heads. Azula guessed she had no choice, she'll go back to the Academy for a crash course! Now. How to go back to the Fire Nation..._ And apparently, Ty Lee has photographic memory. Here's her sequel: _"Remember the assembly before we went here, guys? You were there. And you. And you, too! Waaah~ You and you! You weren't in the assembly but I saw you two in a hallway touching each other's cheeks, blushing!" Both men hung their heads in embarrassment..._ Her incessant reminiscing had other uses, too, aside from revealing everyone's dirty little secrets. It kept the ratvultures away, most probably because they'd get embarrassed like the soldiers, too, if they stayed around her. And apparently, Mai was a good counter. Her sequel? ..._Five-hundred eighty-eight, five-hundred eighty-nine, five-hundred ninety...___But the thought of Zuko and their private moments in the past always distract her, so she'd always lose count. I hope this LOL-ed you, or at the very least made you smile in some parts... Is writing sequels in author's notes legal?


End file.
